Dashing Leadership Anyone with young children will tell you that it’s not always a walk in the park. My own 3-year-old gets on my nerves more than I’d like to admit. A particularly straining moment is when he insists on doing something himself, only to find out that he’s not able to yet. This has been happening a lot during mealtimes lately. Pouring water? “No, Dad can’t do it, I want to do it!” Cutting up some food? “Give me the knife, I wanna do it myself!”
Chaos often ensues. Water ends up on the floor, food flies off the plate, and shrieks of frustration pierce the air. Then, I start to lose my cool. My first thought is, “Ugh, this would all go much smoother if I just took care of everything.”
Right there, I notice a pattern of mine. The pattern that seeks to minimize distress. The pattern that makes sure everyone is taken care of. The pattern that guarantees nobody around me is unhappy. While this caretaking impulse has served me well, it becomes a hindrance as my son grows older. Giving in to it means I rob him of the opportunity to learn how to take care of himself. Instead, I teach him that whenever he’s frustrated, someone will come to the rescue. All because I couldn’t handle the discomfort, both his and my own.
In this space of awareness, I start to appreciate when my son screams for independence. It comes from a desire to learn! Like all humans, he has an innate drive to grow. But nurturing that drive means being okay with the messiness that comes with it.
My invitation is to ask yourself: How often does my unwillingness to tolerate messiness get in the way of learning?
The dysfunctional patterns that come out in conflict are defense mechanisms meant to avoid the feelings we most want to avoid. And it is those exact feelings we need to welcome in order to reach meaningful resolution.
This is a guide for you, the fundraising founder, on how to get through a difficult fundraise. It’s split across three sections: taking care of yourself, working with investors, and leading the team. My hope is that this guide helps make your fundraise more likely to succeed while staying healthy throughout the process.
This created an insight: moving toward the source of our discomfort is what leads to freedom. As many wisdom traditions tell us, it’s resistance that creates our suffering. Coming from this stance casts a new light on much of the standard advice on working with the Inner Critic. Reframe the statements! Practice self-compassion! Question the assumptions! Make no mistake, these are all wonderful practices. But they fall short when their intent is to avoid the Critic. Paradoxically, moving fully toward what’s there is the key to internal spaciousness.
